


to Love and Lose and Love again

by xJordanKayX



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12526148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xJordanKayX/pseuds/xJordanKayX
Summary: Jamie and Claire in a secret relationship - until they are told they are both to be married (Summary is shit, I know, but maybe give the story a try!? :D )





	to Love and Lose and Love again

**Author's Note:**

> I have been in love with this series for a good while now (book and TV show) and I recently got my friend hooked on it, too. And naturally she asked me if I won't write her a few little AU stories on situations she would like to see our favorite couple in. Fool as I am, I agreed, just to realize I have no idea how to.   
> I am German, been taught British English in school long enough to be able to understand movies and then I learned the rest by myself, through said movies. Unfortunately none of those American made movies actually taught me how to express certain things or produce certain sentences in the proper British way, let alone the Scottish.   
> So this I kind of a trial run, for which I would love to hear some thoughts and improvement suggestions. Only if this turns out to be at all bearable I will write the rest of what she asked me to do. Also, if there's anyone willing to help improve the phrasing and such, feel free to contact me directly. 
> 
> **********
> 
> This one came to me while talking to a friend I haven't seen in a while and suddenly I was reminded of a story from our eight grade English books about an America in the future (though not futuristic improved) with strict curfews, rules and laws; like for example, Children are not to chose their own spouses (aren't allowed S.O. Before marriage) because the marriage was supposed to merge two families together so it would help thrive the economy and such. I took the liberty to change location to Scotland (not that you would know either way, but I find it necessary to point out we are not in America)

“He's found someone” 

Surely he had already gathered that by my frantic call some hours earlier. 

We spend every evening we could together, in the loft above the old barn his sister and brother-in-law never use anymore. It's far enough away that nobody comes looking for anything or anyone in here but close enough to be only a short trip from our respective houses so we are always home in time for the insufferable curfew.   
My uncle, knowing me well enough, and obviously not in the mood to deal with the legal consequences should I be encountered outdoors past ten p.m., had made it a regular occurrence to check my whereabouts after curfew ever since I was a little girl and ended up in his care. 

Jamie, on the other hand, was not as closely watched as I was. His family abide by the law, of course, but some aspects weighted heavier than others in their opinion. He's not to carry anything that could be used as a weapon, and he's surely not to be with any girl, but as long as he doesn't get caught, they don't mind him walking into the door a quarter hour past curfew. That's about the time he takes to walk me, under the guise of the night where nobody will see us, to the corner of my street, kiss me under the roof of the big oak tree that hides us perfectly, and make his way home. He's never been in front of my house, neither have I seen his for myself. 

In broad daylight, we are not quite acquainted, friendly enough to share the occasional polite 'hello' when crossing paths, nothing more. Of course that's a rather frequent occurrence since we made it a habit of conducting most of our business where we knew the other would be, too. It at least lets us hash fleeting glimpses of each other during the day.   
As soon as our daily chores and works were done, however, there was just us. It would never be enough – four hours to be affectionate and in love, hidden away from the rest of the community – but if it all we could get, we were gladly taking it. 

“Aye” he answers, stroking a random curl of dark hair out of my face. “I expected as much” His voice is quiet, but I can hear the sadness coating every word. He knows as much as I do that this – we – have to be over soon. He shifts to his back beside me in bed and pulls me more snugly into his side. He's still playing with the strand of hair. He falls silent and I don't say anything, either. I know he's not finished. “I am to be wed, too” 

So that's it. When I called tonight, he had already been on his way to the barn, picking his phone out of his pocket to call me. He hadn't been nearly as panicked as I had been, but he had said he needed to talk to me. Our love making had been desperate, too, but I had thought it to be just my fault, since I'd known this could very well be the last time we would be together like that. Apparently, he had, too. 

“How long?” He doesn't want to hear the answer, I can tell from the breath he's holding, but he needs to. Needs to hear how long he still has with me, if he really needs to say good-bye tonight and quite frankly so did I. 

“I'm meeting him Monday” Today is Thursday. A stream of cold air washes over my forehead as he finally exhales. We had known this couldn't last, but that knowledge did nothing to lessen the hurt in the event of the inevitable break-up. 

“Yea, me too” 

A few tears slip out of my eyes, hitting his naked chest but he doesn't seem to care, only holds me closer and methodically brushes away the wetness on my cheek. 

“I always thought he was different” 

“I was always under the impression Jenny didna much care for such things either. At least my parents let he marry Ian” He gave a small shrug then, I felt the movement of his shoulder under my own body. “But I think they no' have much of a choice”

“Not much of a choice, my arse” I huff, fingers trailing patterns over his broad chest. 

My uncle has never been married and, as my legal guardian, is allowed to decide not have me married off to someone either. It's not seen often or even greatly welcomed, but it was done every now and then. I would never be allowed to marry someone I wanted to marry either, but at least I wouldn't be wed to some near stranger and – most importantly – still unattached able to see Jamie in secret. Given Jamie's sister and brother-in-law, who, much to his annoyance obtained legal guardianship over him when their parents died a few years back, don't force him to marry either.   
Then there is, of course, still the next obvious solution. We would marry all right – each other. 

But with the meeting's already set, there's no way to cancel the upcoming nuptials now. 

“Do you really think anyone would notice that we chose ourselves? We've been sneaking around for a year and no one has realized that yet” I ask him with an air of frustration to my voice. 

“Probably not” Another lift to his shoulder and then he turns onto his side again, facing me, hand slipping under the covers to caress my hip. “God, I don't want to marry anyone but ye” 

That brings a small but sad smile to my face and I drop a kiss to his chest, right over his heart. “He's probably some creepy, disgusting old dude with a lot of money and reputation, the notion I am good for nothing than bedding, cooking and cleaning, and a cock I wouldn't even find with a magnifying-class” I let out a shudder at the thought. “Not that I have any intention to look for it in the first place” 

This time, I'm sure, the vibrations emitting from his body into mine are laughter. “I would hope not” Then he turns serious again. “She's probably some eighteen year old virgin” 

“Didn't seem to bother you when we first met” I cut him off with a laugh. We had both been virgins the first time we slept together and right from that very first moment I knew I never want to be with somebody else. He looks at me intently, both eyebrows raised comically; he never managed the art of rising just one inquiringly. I sigh because I understand. 

“Point is, my love, she'll be boring. She'll be young and eager to please a husband and an incredibly cook and great at stitching, sewing and mending clothes and she'll probably be a wee bonny lass.” He pauses for a moment to gather his thoughts. I lace my fingers through his, still gripping my waist and wait patiently. “What she will no' be is beautiful and breathtaking and exciting and challenging. She'll no' be you, Sassenach, and I will never love her like I love ye”

“Never? Not even when she gives you your first child?” I hate myself for sounding insecure, but I can't help it. I don't want to question his love for me, but is it really rational to think we'd still love each other like we do right this moment, twenty – separated - years from now?

“Not for all the wee lads and lassies in the world” 

“I love you” I whisper, and when he bends to kiss me I let the sheet slide from our bodies. I don't want to think anymore.

It's the first night I fall asleep in his arms, but for the moment I am happy enough where I am that I don't care about consequences and repercussions. 

****** 

We hadn't been found by police or security officers, but of course my uncle hadn't been all that thrilled about me spending the night god-knows-where, and as a result, I haven't seen Jamie since. I was hoping to get another moment alone with him before the meeting with my soon-to-be husband, to truly say a last, heartfelt good-bye, but Uncle Lamb had kept a close eye on me. I didn't like it, but I resigned myself to the fact that last Thursday is the last time Jamie and I would have together. 

I still don't like it when my uncle stops the car in front of a decent looking house in a decent looking neighborhood. I'm not in the mood to meet anyone today, let alone a future husband, so I don't pay attention to all that much around me. I take vague notice of me stepping out off the car and taking slow and measured steps up the walkway. The front door swings open, a little boy eagerly hanging from the handle, as soon as we neared. It's highly possibly uncle Lamb had rung the doorbell, I couldn't say. 

My eyes sting with tears as I cross the threshold and step into the tactfully decorated entry hall. The house is nice enough, stinks of money, just like I thought. So he married me off for the money and the reputation, not the advantage and share in some business. Not that it really matters why – I still don't want to marry a stranger. 

We are met in the hall by a man and a woman, barely older than myself. The little boy who had opened the door for us swinging happy in between them, holding onto one of their hands each. I wonder how they fit into this arrangement. The boy is obviously theirs, and they are obviously married to each other, but anyone old enough to be wed to me, is definitely too old to be any child of theirs. Maybe one of them is his child. I shudder at that, because that would make them my child soon enough, too.   
I shrug the thought from my mind; I don't want to be here and I honestly don't care about this mystery husband's family situation. 

They seem friendly enough I have to, reluctantly, admit and so I followed the four of them into the sitting room without protest. Maybe it's because I don't have a choice in the matter anyway. 

“Go ahead” The woman, who had introduced herself earlier but I had not heard a word they had said since stepping into the house, ushers me forward. We had stopped in front of the door that held my future and I don't know protocol for this situation, but they, seemingly, want me to go first. So I take a deep breath, push the door inward carefully...

… And stop in my tracks. All the air leaves my lungs in a rush and I feel my legs give out from underneath me. Jamie is there in a matter of seconds, catches me before I can hit the floor. He leads me over to the small sofa, sits down beside me and takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers. Neither of us has spoken yet, haven't found the right words yet, but I answer his unspoken question of my well being with a smile and a nod of my head. 

Then a little bundle crashes into our little bubbly, the tiny boy I had seen before crawling up into my lap and making himself comfortable across both our legs. 

“Jamie!” Jenny, that's her name. She had to be. If I'm not dreaming and this is really my Jamie sitting beside me, then this has to be his sister. And Ian, his brother-in-law. 

“Aye” comes a chorus of two equally sheepish voices from next to me. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. I remember now he once told me his nephew is named for him. 

“The wee one” Jenny fixes an eye on her son. I can see Ian and my uncle seated in the armchairs by the fireplace, already engaged in conversation and a good drink. “Leave your Auntie and Uncle alone” 

My heart skips a beat at that. Auntie. So this really is happening. This is not some joke to punish them for disobeying the rules – or worse yet, a dream. 

When I see young Jamie's expression fall, I tighten my hold around his waist and pull him more comfortably against my chest. “That's okay” I can feel his smile against my shoulder. “We don't mind, do we?” 

My Jamie knows better than to disagree with the look I send him and he looks from me to his sister briefly. “Aye, no we don't” 

I can't be sure, but I think I see Jenny nod approvingly in her brother's direction, before smiling at me. She's obviously pleased at how I handled Jamie. Which one I'm not sure, but I suspect both. 

When she turns around to join her husband across the room, I hear her mutter something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like “It's no' like ye need to get acquainted” And by the way Jamie blushes almost as red as the hair that covers his head, he's heard it, too. 

“Did you know about this?” Young Jamie has fallen asleep on my chest and I am absently stroking his back in soothing motions. My attention, however, is fully on my soon-to-be husband and for the first time since my uncle sprung the news on me, I'm not dreading the upcoming wedding. 

“I swear to you, I had no idea” I am so in love with him, I would probably believe everything he'd tell me, but in this case, I am fairly sure it is the truth, too. If I needed more convincing, Ian provided me with it just a moment later. 

“Did ye not see his face when ye walked in here lass?” The adults are all laughing, lounging in front of the not lit fire. We're obviously the butt of some joke we haven't heard yet. 

“But...” I start, still looking at Jamie. I seem to not be able to let him lout of my sight for too long a time of fear this will all turn out to not be real. It's my uncle that cuts of my question and I realize for the first time, that I haven't heard him say anything since we stepped foot into the house. 

“You are not really as sneaky as you both think you are, my dear” It takes a moment for me to grasp the meaning behind this, but when I do, I open my mouth to say something, but Jamie beats me to it.

“How long?” I don't bother adding anything to that. It's the exact same thing I want an answers to myself. 

“We've known for about ten months” Jenny's actually laughing at us now. And with good reason I suppose. We have been sneaking around – rather unsuccessfully it seems - for eleven months and fifteen days.

And then suddenly the whole significance of the situation hits me. I am not to marry some stranger I have never met before and I am not to leave the man I have spent the last year falling in love with; both of us equally heartbroken. No. I am to marry the man I love, the love of my life. I am to marry the man I never want to be parted from. 

“Does that mean I can kiss you now, whenever I want to?” He doesn't answer but leans forward and captures my mouth with his. We lose ourselves in each other for a good long moment, until Jenny's voice breaks it.

“Mind the wee laddie. Ye dinna have to show him that just yet” Then she's suddenly beside us, extracting the sleeping toddler from my arms and taking him upstairs to bed. She's promised lunch when she comes back downstairs, and so we all follow Ian into the dining room. 

Lunch turns out to be a pretty comfortable affair. Jamie and I are holding hands while talking about trivial, daily things with our families, discussing the wedding and disclosing a wee bit about how we met in the first place and how we had fallen in love. 

“I am younger than ye, ye ken” Jamie throws into a particular conversation at some point, his smirk letting me know exactly what he's referring to. 

“And I'm not a boring eighteen year old virgin, ye ken” I'm happy enough to be here, that I'm not even embarrassed, stating that so bluntly in front of my uncle, Ian and Jenny. 

“And I have it on pretty good authority that ye dinna need a magnifying glass to find my cock” Neither it seems, is he. I can feel three pairs of eyes on us, questioning. Jamie takes our joined hands off my thigh, brings them to his lips and kisses mine softly. And then the bastard goes on speaking “Last time I checked you were pretty satisfied wi' it.”


End file.
